Names are Important

My employers are currently in the process of moving. If I worked for a small print shop situated on the Dorset coast this wouldn’t be an issue. But this is a major NHS hospital. It’s a good thing Passover was last week cos I think the exodus from Egypt is about to be reenacted on a level rarely seen outside of anything involving Charlton Heston. But in readiness for such a venture the theatre gangs got a chance to look around the place today. Taking tours like foreign tourists, minus the thermos flasks and day-glo clothing we were led by map-wielding guide staff over two or more floors and given the chance to voice our opinions from everything from the seat cushion colours to the unusual high amount of wet rooms in the change rooms.

Seriously! Wet rooms. Maybe the architects know something we don’t?

My opinion? Well, without going into specifics I think the new hospital is good for patients. From what I’ve seen of the patient-side of things I cannot fault the positive aspects of the new place to prioritize such concepts as dignity, safety, comfort and care. The staffing side? Well, we have lockers. And wet rooms.

In all seriousness I think whatever we have now is what we have now. It’s in there, it’s fixed, it’s NOT coming out. I shrug my shoulders and make the best of it. My only gripe is the lack of catchy name.

When they first canvassed opinion for a new name for the place I offered up “Lubyanka”. Unsurprisingly the PTB didn’t go with my suggestion, which was a pity considering the buildings share similar neo-baroque stylings. Named as the “Russia’s tallest building” on account that you could see Siberia from the basement [little Soviet repression humour there] I don’t think the intent was there to slander in my eyes. It’s just after you see one large imposing building after another the feeling of pride gets old. And I’ve trained in London. We have all the skyscrapers we need there thankyou.
Anyway, names.
Ok, here’s a couple:
“The Hotbox”. Especially if the Air-con fails in August. It happened in UCL. Try enjoying a 12 hour stint on an elderly ward with no air-con, windows that don’t open and a London summer.
“Bowie’s Labyrinth”. With identical paint jobs and a lack of internal signage. I know for certain I’m going to get lost going to the loo in the place.
“Halo’s Prism”. I dunno why, but the doors that open like sci-fi airlocks and the terminals that are gas powered. Seriously! You press the buttons on the side and there’s a gas hiss and you can move the pendant about. It’s SO COOL!!! But probably hot when the sun hits the glass.
That air-con better work.


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